"The most lively thought is still inferior to the dullest sensation" - David Hume

Struggle

Posted by Midnight Runaway On 7/26/11 1 comments


FEAR


Fear, it's such a powerfully haunting word. Continuing down this trend of self-discovery, the word fear constantly pops into my head. We all have them and we can't always pinpoint what they are at times. I think fear can be one of the most crippling things to an individual.

"Fears one by one followed me home and became reality - I'm a failure, I'm a freak, I'm a chip on your shoulder, the last thing you need."  - I Can't Go On by Bayside

As a fan of music there are two reoccurring themes I have always seen quite clearly - fear and love. In many ways I find these two words are polar opposites. Sure it has been argued that hate or apathy is the opposite of love, but I think they both are conceived out of some fashion of fear. 

Definition Alert!
Fear - n. a feeling of agitation and anxiety caused by the presence or imminence of danger.

Fear binds us, hides us, and hurts us. 

The music quote above really gets me thinking. How many fears have I let trickle into my head and become a part of me? Fused into my mind believing that those things are true. I think the three most prominent fears I have are a fear of failure, fear of the future, and the fear of rejection. In my past posts I have been pretty open and honest about this one. Quite honestly, I feel like I have come a long way into a fairly steady understanding of these fears. Recognizing these inadequacies does press me towards the urgency of depending on my heavenly Father. I cannot  proceed in life day in and day out without recognizing this need always. 


For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline. 2 Timothy 1:7


SHAME


Shame, it's an awkward word in our society, one that I find we really try to step around. There are many types of shame but I'm not talking about that one-time screw-up, but a much more serious pathological shame. When it gets to that level it can be undoubtedly hard to recognize that it is shame.

"We never thought we'd get so troubled, we could never think that much, it should never get this bad. Shame, shouldn't try you, couldn't step by you, and open up more shame." - Shame by Matchbox Twenty

Rob Thomas' lyrics really hit the nail on the head here. Shame just piles on top of more shame, even when you thought it couldn't get worse. Most of you that read this the first thing that will pop into your head is either the word redemption, grace or possibly atonement. I'll discuss that in just a moment.

Definition Alert!
Shame - n.  a painful emotion caused by a strong sense of guilt, embarrassment, unworthiness, or disgrace.

Shame turns us worthless, guilty, and disconnected.


From eye contact to finding myself disassociated with a group or to merely thinking and rethinking words exchanged between others. It is truly a difficulty but I know only by God's grace can I begin to move past any bit of this stronghold. It is a daily task and quite a daunting one at that. Surrounding myself with positive friends and family members has gone a long way to me understanding the blessings God has provided me over the years. Christ humbled himself to the lowliness of being a servant and a sacrifice for me - Through His unimaginable act of sacrifice He has expressed the value and worth that He has placed on my life. That is humbling and so completely overwhelming.


But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8


INFATUATION


Infatuation, now this one will be tricky to explain but I can't find a more appropriate word that fits here. Moving into this subject matter most will assume it to be a nicer word than lust but it will be further explained momentarily.

"It turns out that your were just my sick little fantasy so I tried to pry you from my head now look at me it appears as if I've injured myself severely. Now I'm in stitches over you." - Natalie Marie and 1cc by The Spill Canvas

When you wake up from that dream of thinking someone or some situation is so perfect it really can knock you down pretty hard. It sets you up for a brokenness that was self-inflicted from the very start. Not just deemed as a physical temptation but an emotionally overbearing idea to where you block out reality and reason.

Definition Alert!
Infatuation - n. a foolish, unreasoning, or extravagant passion or attraction.

Infatuation blemishes hope, and breaks our heart and mind.


It is no doubt that I have struggled guarding my heart when it comes to building relationships with females from time to time. I begin to put them on a pedestal like they are flawless and perfect. When reality eventually sets in the imperfections come into light you've already given so much of your heart it's too late to step back. On the inside I am a very emotional being in which a try not to wear on my sleeve. Those that read my blog know this as an obvious statement. I'm certain that it is not a fault that God designed my mind to work in this way, but it is often puzzling as to the reason why. I hope to think it is to teach me to be more vulnerable towards others and their hearts. Most importantly that would hopefully keep me conscience to wanting to guard their hearts and their minds. Honesty has been the key to me succeeding in this battle, through communication of my female friends and setting forth several peaceful understandings between one another.


Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life. Proverbs 4:23


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Posted by Midnight Runaway at 9:52 PM

1 comments:

Priscilla said...

I love the format. I love the bible verses at the end. The thought process is encouraging.

"And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good,for those who are called according to his purpose." - Romans 8:28

July 28, 2011 at 8:12 PM

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